For the last 5 months, I feel like I've been recovering from a tail spin, and I've finally reached a point of feeling like I'm flying straight again.
There were some major life-changing events in August, 2011 that caused the spin. While I don't look at what happened very often, I'm doing so in this moment, and trying to focus on the brighter side of it.
Through these experiences, I've gained a lot of perspective. I've learned that death doesn't really need to be so hard. That it's like "taking off a tight shoe" as I've heard Ram Dass put it.
I've been listening to Abraham Hicks a LOT lately, and it's really helping me to understand what I can control, and what to do about the things I cannot control.
• What I CAN control is how I respond to my emotions. My emotions are a guidance system that tell me how aligned I am with my higher good—source energy—God… whatever you want to call it. When aligned, I feel joy, peace, elation, pure bliss, etc… When I'm out of alignment, well… things just don't feel that great. What I can do about it is change my focus away from what I don't want. Well, that's not exactly right. We can't choose NOT to look at something because by not looking at the thing I don't want, I am in fact looking at it. So, instead I'll look at something else—something that DOES feel better. "Find a better feeling thought" as Abraham likes to say.
• When something comes up that I cannot control, I can shift my focus to where I can control, to my responses, and finding that better feeling thought.
So, as far as my mother's death is concerned, there are aspects of it that I choose not to focus on, and there are aspects of it that make me feel better about it. Though, there is still the formerly practiced habit of thinking "death is bad", which still creeps in.
• I focus on the amazement she expressed in her last moments on this plane of reality. The blissful "oh my God" she uttered hours before she left. What was she experiencing?
• I focus on her being free from the pain she experienced while still in her body.
• My mother didn't die. Death doesn't really exist. It's part of this illusion that we all identify with. This universe is an inclusion-based universe, and therefore nothing can ever go out of existence. But it can change form, which is what my mother's energy has done. Who she really is—source energy—has just left the physical realm. Yet, she still fully exists in the non-physical. She is with me more now than she ever was while she was physical, and that feels so beautiful.
• I remind myself that any feeling of loss that I experience isn't
because of my mother's transition. No, that's just an excuse I'm using
to keep myself separate from who I really am—source energy. And when I'm
separated from source, I feel bad.
And… even though I try to focus on these better-feeling thoughts, sometimes I still just cry about it. At which point, it's time to stop thinking about it all-together and go do something completely different.
This process has been going on since August 18, 2011, and every day is a new learning experience. At first I tried to take it all in and deal with it, but quickly learned that was impossible for me. That the resistance to it was too strong, and I made myself sick. So now, as my tail straightens out and I'm flying straight again, I can see that I just need to continue living my life and allow goodness to flow into my life in all ways possible.
Thank you mom for continuing to teach me.