I've had 3 days of eating high raw, and I've developed some animosity toward bananas right now. But I know they love me so I'm trying to enjoy the times I am spending with them despite my angst toward their being so healthy for me. Sometimes a bar of chocolate, or some fried tofu just sounds SO good that it's hard to get my attachment-oriented, addicted mind away from the concept that nothing but chocolate or fried tofu will satisfy it.
There's a small child inside me who has a little temper tantrum at the idea of eating a meal of bananas. Thankfully, there is also a responsible adult who reasons with the child, and explains that the child is cranky and irritable because they are low on calories, and the bananas are the perfect way to make her feel better. The child knows that chocolate and fried tofu are void of the juicy, sweet carbs that her body is craving, but she WANTS them anyway. Waahhh. The child submits and eats the stupid bananas… then she feels so much better—physically and emotionally. She feels lighter than air and ready to run a marathon, or clean the entire house top to bottom. What happened to that cranky devil who couldn't let go of chocolate and fried tofu an hour earlier?
I've been trying to figure out what I could possibly give myself tonight for dinner that might help satisfy that cranky child. The fruit is great during the day, but I feel like I need to give that cranky child something satisfying at night. Without doing so the resentment toward the bananas just grows and grows… James and I wandered to the nearest HEB tonight, and I totally fell in love with their produce department.
I picked up a 15 lb bag of grapefruits for $6.77. That totally amazed me. I also grabbed a few other things that randomly sounded good, and that I might be able to put into a salad. There was an avocado sitting in our cabinet for the past few days, and I've been really wanting to eat it, but I only really enjoy it in guacamole. So I picked up a tiny onion and lime to make some simple guac. When I got home the cranky child was beginning to wake up, so I figured I'd better make something up quick before she got so cranky that I just crawled into bed without eating anything…
James commented about how he wished there was something savory that he could enjoy too. He isn't a big avocado fan, and really dislikes onions. But I offered him some of the guac, and left the onion out of the mix so he could have some too if he wanted. This act of gratitude actually struck me off guard, as usually I'm pretty selfish about the guac I make—like it's something I'll never have again or something… There was absolutely no selfishness noted this time. Perhaps there's some work being done on the attachments I've had in the past toward foods? Who knows? I divided the guac in half and spooned my half onto my salad and mixed it in—added a little sesame seed and sat down with my cat and some chopsticks to enjoy my savory dinner.
It was phenomenal—the perfect balance of everything. I couldn't have asked for a better meal. It totally satisfied the cranky little kid inside me. I felt it fall to sleep afterwards, peaceful and content.
The salad:
Spring Greens
.5 cucumber
1 zucchini
half of the guacamole (whole guac: 1 organic avocado & the juice of .5 a lime)
very small amount of onion (chopped & piled into the size of a quarter)
sesame seeds
What will 2010 bring?
Each year around this time I ask myself what I'd like to see for the following year. I used to set goals and strive toward bringing them to fruition. I'd work hard, listening to my head rather than to my heart.Over the years however, I've learned that my life has its own path—it's beyond my control, and there are things planned that are bigger than I could ever imagine. I've learned that pushing for something to happen just because *I* want it to happen can often lead to struggle and disappointment.
This year I'm trying something a little different—I'm planting seeds—throwing ideas out into the universe without expectations. These are things I'd like to see grow in my life—things that will make me feel more whole and at peace with the way things are. My hopes are that the universe will find some things in this list that it agrees with, and help water them so they bloom into something beautiful.
• eating raw foods
• doing reiki for myself, loved ones and animals
• doing yoga
• caring for my body as the beloved temple it is
• seeing others as divine creatures
• being in the present moment
• bringing loving presence to life
• acceptance of the way things are
• openness to new life experiences
• choosing love over fear
• generosity and thankfulness
• ______ being open to whatever the universe brings my way.
What seeds will you be planting this year?
Inspirations…
I've had 2 days of eating VERY high raw—the only things I've eaten that aren't raw have been some roasted nuts and some banana chips in a salad. I'm really proud of James and I for being so raw these past 2 days. Today is day 3. I've heard of the book 12 Steps to Raw Food by Victoria Boutenko, but I haven't had much interest in reading it until now. I found this blog post which listed the 12 steps, without much detail. I'd imagine the book dives deeper into what is involved in each step.
Yesterday, our friend Moth came over and I joined her in making some inspirational artwork. There is some wall space above my laptop that I keep finding myself looking at blankly—so I decided to put a little piece of inspiration there to keep me focused on eating healthy.
From the 12 steps, I took the ones that I feel I most need help with, and wrote them out so I can read them over and over again… I'm glad I did. I've found it to be really helpful, even for just the few hours that it's been hanging up.
The new year
Whenever I have alcohol, the first place my body feels it is the back of my neck, right where my skull meets my neck. It aches… then eventually goes away and I can relax. I tend to avoid alcohol because I dislike this feeling.
Last night James and I decided to give in to our cooked food cravings, as we've been tending to do each night. We drove to the nearest Chipotle and indulged in some veggie burritos. While I ate I enjoyed, but on the drive home, I noticed that feeling in the back of my neck, as if I had just consumed some intoxicating substance. However, instead of the feeling subsiding and my body relaxing, as what happens with alcohol, instead my body continued to tense up and a rather unpleasant headache formed… and remained throughout the night.
James also had a pretty rough time dealing with his burrito.
So, why do I continue to make myself suffer to just enjoy a short period of time where I enjoy the taste of something? It just doesn't make sense to continue doing things like this. So, it tastes good… but is it worth the physical and sometimes emotional suffering that comes along with it? Nah, I don't think so. At least not right now. Last night was pretty unpleasant, and I think I'd like to avoid another instance of cooked food induced headache if possible.
On Ravelry (an online knit and crochet community that I'm part of), there is a group of yarny-folk who are all planning on eating 100% raw for 2010. There's a group, and they're encouraging. So are the people at Raw Natural Hygiene. Not to mention the people in real life who are supportive and on a similar path as I am—James and Moth.
I've asked Reiki, and our spirit guide friends to help James and I release our cravings for cooked food… to help us do what's healthiest for our bodies, minds and spirits, and to bring us closer to eating the best foods possible. I'm ready for change. I want to be as healthy as I was for those 2 months when it was possible for me to eat a high raw diet. I've worked with this middle ground—going back and forth between cooked and raw—enough to know it's not ideal, and that what works best is eating LOTS of fruit and veggies, and I mean LOTS.
I need the encouragement and positive influence of others on this path, and not the negative, doubtful skepticism of so many people in my life. I know this is the diet that works best for my body. So, please if you have anything negative to say please keep it to yourself. I'm weak enough about this process as it is, and I don't need any additional negative pressure coming from anyone outside of myself. This is challenging, but worth the struggle—SO worth the struggle.
Today's Consumption Log
• 5 large Clementines
• 8 bananas
• Green Smoothie: 1 apple, 2 bananas, 1 cup chopped kale
• Salad: 1 apple, 1 green pepper, a third of a cucumber, spring greens, mixed nuts, some banana chips and raisins
Last night James and I decided to give in to our cooked food cravings, as we've been tending to do each night. We drove to the nearest Chipotle and indulged in some veggie burritos. While I ate I enjoyed, but on the drive home, I noticed that feeling in the back of my neck, as if I had just consumed some intoxicating substance. However, instead of the feeling subsiding and my body relaxing, as what happens with alcohol, instead my body continued to tense up and a rather unpleasant headache formed… and remained throughout the night.
James also had a pretty rough time dealing with his burrito.
So, why do I continue to make myself suffer to just enjoy a short period of time where I enjoy the taste of something? It just doesn't make sense to continue doing things like this. So, it tastes good… but is it worth the physical and sometimes emotional suffering that comes along with it? Nah, I don't think so. At least not right now. Last night was pretty unpleasant, and I think I'd like to avoid another instance of cooked food induced headache if possible.
On Ravelry (an online knit and crochet community that I'm part of), there is a group of yarny-folk who are all planning on eating 100% raw for 2010. There's a group, and they're encouraging. So are the people at Raw Natural Hygiene. Not to mention the people in real life who are supportive and on a similar path as I am—James and Moth.
I've asked Reiki, and our spirit guide friends to help James and I release our cravings for cooked food… to help us do what's healthiest for our bodies, minds and spirits, and to bring us closer to eating the best foods possible. I'm ready for change. I want to be as healthy as I was for those 2 months when it was possible for me to eat a high raw diet. I've worked with this middle ground—going back and forth between cooked and raw—enough to know it's not ideal, and that what works best is eating LOTS of fruit and veggies, and I mean LOTS.
I need the encouragement and positive influence of others on this path, and not the negative, doubtful skepticism of so many people in my life. I know this is the diet that works best for my body. So, please if you have anything negative to say please keep it to yourself. I'm weak enough about this process as it is, and I don't need any additional negative pressure coming from anyone outside of myself. This is challenging, but worth the struggle—SO worth the struggle.
Today's Consumption Log
• 5 large Clementines
• 8 bananas
• Green Smoothie: 1 apple, 2 bananas, 1 cup chopped kale
• Salad: 1 apple, 1 green pepper, a third of a cucumber, spring greens, mixed nuts, some banana chips and raisins
Changes
James and I moved into our tiny house on wheels, then drove it from Massachusetts to Texas, and now we're beginning to recalibrate. It's nice to feel somewhat settled. During the transition there were no yoga nor knitting happening, and I was eating a lot of take out—oriental mostly. Can we say MSG. Blech.
Since we've arrived in Texas my diet has slowly been improving. There aren't many (dare I say any?) places for us to get take out from, so we've been relying more on what we have in the house. We're stocked up on ripe organic bananas right now, so that's what I'm trying to eat first. I am actually thankful to be far away from any familiar source of junk food. Chipotle is about a 45 minute drive, and I'm not aware of the location of any Chinese food restaurants nearby. I've been told there's one, but I'd rather not know about it. Pretending it doesn't exist makes it easier for me to look at the box of bananas and consider eating them before picking up a take out menu.
The fruit around here seems to be easy to come by. I'm loving grapefruit right now too - because it grows in Texas. I wasn't aware of that until we arrived. I'd like to eat as much local produce as possible—it's fresher, cheaper, and better for the environment. Win-win.
My friend Moth found a yoga studio nearby that we're planning on attending soon—tonight maybe? It'll be nice to feel the warm studio, with the hard floor, and to be instructed by a teacher. I've been missing that. My body's been missing yoga. I just did a few sun salutations, but that's about all the ambition I've been having lately toward doing any yoga. Being near a studio again will surely help me stay motivated, and keep my body asking for exercise.
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