Last night I had a bunch of traumatizing dreams. I can't ever remember feeling so emotionally attached to what I was experiencing in dreams… like, I could physically feel the emotions so strongly in my physical body, and they've all lingered with me throughout the day today.
The dream I remember the most vividly was the one as I was waking… the last one.
I was a mother with a 2 to 3 year old girl. We were Latino, and lived as part of a large family on the ocean, on a tall cliff.
Many of the family members were people who are part of my real-life extended family. My real-life cousin was my in-dream husband, and he was hindering my escape with our daughter. I have no idea why I wanted to kidnap her or where we would go…
Other real-life cousins were all there helping my husband hinder the escape.
Eventually I got the crazy idea of jumping off the cliff, with my daughter, into the ocean. My husband jumped in after us. I feel like my daughter wanted to go with me, she clung to me and was afraid of her father.
I have no idea why I did this, but I kept making it appear to my husband as though I was drowning the girl… but she was playing along. I'd let her up for air, then pretend to drown her again. I have no idea what the logic was there…
There are details missing… probably because of how traumatic what happened next felt… I'm not sure how I got there, but I was hanging onto a ledge, maybe the edge of a small cave, on the edge of the cliff. The girl was gone—I don't know where. And as I clung on, one of my cousins shooting at me with a shot gun. I'm not sure if any of the bullets ever hit me… I didn't feel them if they did. I don't think they did.
I clung onto the cliff because I had no idea what else to do. The girl was gone. I imagine he shot her. I believe her to be dead.
I was in a sort of shock—in the dream and in reality. My daughter had been killed and I couldn't let myself ever go back into that house… but there was no where else for me to go. All I had was that cliff ledge, so there I hung. Paralyzed.
I remember my real-life sister… possibly also my sister in the dream—she somehow came to me on the ledge/cave edge… perhaps there was a walkway there from the house? I don't know… she tried to assist me back into the house, but I pushed her away. I didn't want to move… moving made me feel my body, and there was so much pain and hurt—emotionally—whenever I moved my body. I think I stayed there for days. Completely paralyzed.
Now that I write this, I believe my husband & cousins wanted my daughter dead for some reason and I was running away with her to save her life. I even pretended to kill her in the water so they would think she was dead, and then not kill her… Apparently that didn't work.
Even as I write this, my heart chakra feels so clenched, and I'm sobbing… I've never felt so much emotion from anything I've dreamed.
The only thing I can relate this to is how I felt during my past life regression. I feel like this must be a glimpse into a past life, but I have no idea why this is being shown to me now, or what I'm supposed to understand from it… There's so much emotion, and I have so many "why" questions—like, why did they want her dead?
Oh… There's another dream segment that happened after this one that I'm just now remembering… My mom (she's in spirit now) called and was chatting with me about what had happened. My real mom talking to the real me, in dream-land. She was worried about me, and concerned about what had just happened—referring to the scene with me and the girl at the cliff. But, I couldn't talk to her about it. I could never talk to my mom about the serious stuff, or express any sort of emotion in front of her. She worried so much. I couldn't ever have her worrying about me. She would stress herself out over the smallest of things… so I never told her anything that I felt would stress her out. She never knew a lot about my life because of that.
That made me upset again… I could feel it in my heart… that I couldn't talk to my mom…
I woke still feeling as traumatized as I was when hanging on the cliff… and as if I had just had the conversation with my mom about it… like it all had really all just happened to me. I was numb and could barely function enough to get myself out of bed. I just sat there, stunned. I've been able to suppress the emotion all day, enough to get through the day, but now it's just so strong… I can't ignore it anymore.
Yesterday I attended a yoga class and set the intention, asking my guides and the angels to help clear any blockages. And here we are. I'm sure that's what this is all about.
It came on a little intense, and I'm a bit stumped about what to make of it all. I'm guessing that I can talk to my mom now that she's in spirit, and I don't need to worry about her worrying too much about me anymore…
Anyway, thanks for reading all the way through that. It was therapeutic to write it all out… and if any of you have suggestions or insights, or any intuitive ideas to share, please feel free. I welcome them.
