Facing Demons

As I was laying in bed before sleep last night, I closed my eyes and felt a lot of energy swirling around me. I took a step back from it to just experience it, and as I did so, visions came to me of scary-looking people, with eyes that sort of gazed into my soul as if to suck it out of me… it freaked me out a bit.

Then I noticed these glass jars being placed over their heads and their bodies would fall away… like, their heads were being trapped inside the jar, and their power was being restricted by not having access to their body… but they were still frightening… so they stayed locked up and hidden away. And I still feared them.

Then I wondered what would happen if I choose to let them all out of their jars at once… To face the fear I have of them all at the same time. I remember reading somewhere that when having dreams of being chased by something scary to turn around and face the thing chasing you. You'll see that it can't do you any harm, or that it's really not all that scary.

So I let them all out of their jars. They all came running at me at once, and I turned and ran in fear… then remembering that they can't hurt me. I stopped and turned around to face them. They were shooting arrows at me, swinging things and grabbing at me, but nothing touched me. It was as if I was the only solid thing there, everything else was a ghost, and passed right through me. I stood there more firmly and dared them to give me all they got… and they did, and I still stayed safe and solid where I stood.

I could feel the energy swirling around my body and was able to somehow get that to be still with me also. I felt fearless and brave. Such an empowering experience!

Thought I'd share :)

Synchronicity

Today's been an interesting and beautiful day… At one point this morning, I opened and became aware of the opportunity to see symbols as guides in my reality. As if something was urging me to listen. Something wanted to be told to me, and to hear it I had to open to it and allow it to unfold before me.

I reached for my tarot deck and began shuffling. At one point, the Ace of Swords fell from the deck. J and I looked up its meaning, then I continued shuffling, and split the deck at the Eight of Cups.

After looking up the meaning of the Eight of Cups. Literally, seconds after we finished reading, I glanced out the window and saw a BALD EAGLE soaring directly toward the window. It was FEET away from me, banked left and continued soaring past the house and over the river nearby… I stood there stunned and in awe for a moment, then ran to get my Animal Speak book.

Parts of what it said really resonated with me.
– "Those who have a bald eagle as a totem need to look at the symbolic association of water… Water is the creative source of life, and living near natural water sources may be important to their health. An eagle hunting in the waters must be able to penetrate the waters, grasp what it requires and then rise out of them. All this reflects increased ability and need to learn to work with emotions, psychism, and all aspects of spirituality with greater control. It reflects teachings about true mediatorship being able to enter and exit the more ethereal realms at will."
– "The white feathers of the bald eagle especially are often treasured as they are links to Grandmother Medicine—tremendous wisdom, healing, and creation."
– "They are also symbols of the rediscovery of the inner child."

– "The feet of the eagle have four toes. Four is a traditional symbol for keeping onself grounded and laying a solid foundation for oneself. Even with the eagle's magnificent ability to fly, it stays connected to the earth."
I received an e-mail this morning from the Lightworker Magazine that stated "The number 4 carries a powerful security with it; a knowledge that all is whole, grounded and pure in form." At first, it resonated with me, but when the number 4 appeared again I paid more attention to it. Soaring & remaining grounded has been something I aspire to. I have had the tendency to swing between them, though a balance would feel ideal.
– "For those with eagle totems, new vision will open. This vision will be far reaching to the past, within the present and to the future as well. … the ability to hear—spiritually and physically—will also increase."
This is already happening. These senses have been more acute lately. They're still in early developmental stages, but just that I've become aware of them is a huge step in being confident that their blossoming into something…

– "A new sense of timing & movement will begin to develop. You will learn to swoop, to soar, to dive, and to hover—to use the winds within your life and your own developing wings to ride them to your own benefit."

– "To accept the eagle as a totem is to accept a powerful new dimension to life, and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. But only through doing so do you learn how to move between worlds, touch all life with healing, and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative force within the world."

All the symbols I've been shown today seem to be representative of my growing spiritually, and seem to be focused on things that I've been seeing more prominantly in my life lately. It's encouraging and inspiring to have seen such a magnificent bird and symbol of spirituality fly directly toward me. I really felt as though spirit… source… God… IS… was directing a message to me that I could not overlook. So… just in case the tarot cards and the e-mail weren't enough of a message, the eagle came to be sure I got the whole thing.

And now… thinking of whether I actually did get the whole thing leaves me drawn internally. Enough research has been done on the physical plane. It's now time to meditate.
Namasté

Shifting Energy in Dreams

My dreams have been new and interesting lately. I feel like I'm being educated.

I'm being shown—more like something is causing experience to happen that I can feel in and around my body—how to shift energy. I'm not exactly sure, yet, what the purpose is of my learning to shift energy, nor when to use it, or to what means.

In the dreams, I experience physical sensations in my body—in the areas of my chakras and my hands—that shift the vibrational reality around my body, and throughout the world. It feels as though a golden white light radiates in and around me and around everything that holds the focus of my attention. It's warm, soft and sparkly… much like how I've described Reiki to feel to me.

It's beyond what words can describe—it's a feeling—an experience that is deeper than what can be understood with the mind. As I sit here remembering the sensations that were felt throughout these dreams, I become still—I disappear into nothingness for a moment.

These dreams are introducing me to a way of existing that's different from what I've ever experienced in physical reality. It's like a form of physical therapy that I'm going through, but it's my non-physical body that's going through the therapy—learning how to use aspects of itself that have been asleep for a long while. In my waking life, the *muscle* memory is there for how to access these dreamlike states of energetic being. The more I work with it in my dreams, the more present it becomes in my waking life.

I have no doubt that Reiki is involved in this evolution. As I said, the energy *feels* like Reiki—though it's stronger and more ever-present than I've experienced it before. Which makes me wonder more and more if I'm becoming ready for the third level of Reiki—the spiritual level.

I still have some reservations about the *master/teacher* label that comes with that level. Though, I'm working on releasing resistance to it. Reiki is something that I've been guided to do by something beyond myself. My mind doesn't yet know or understand the purpose of my learning Reiki, or what my intentions are for using it. But there is an intuitive drive to progress further into the process. In many areas of my life I'm working on releasing resistance and allowing it to unfold as it will. Reiki is no exception—I will allow it to unfold as it is naturally intended to—no pressure to push forward, and no resistance to hold me back, just allowing, allowing, allowing.

I trust that I'm being guided toward my the most benevolent version of myself, and with each step in my life—forward or back—it's toward this.

Sparkling knitter angels

Last night I was seeing sparkles everywhere. It began as I was driving home in the rain. Things seemed to sparkle like I'd never seen before, in ways that didn't seem normal. A thought came to me, that water fairies were out dancing in the rain. It seemed like a fun thing to do, so I enjoyed the thought of them basking in the weather, and was thankful I had the opportunity to be part of their dance.

Before bed, J asked for some Reiki, and I was happy to provide. It was an opportunity to break away from the deadline-oriented thinking I've been in this past week and slow down into a meditative state. I've been seeking the stillness, and am thankful that the opportunity to share Reiki invited the stillness into my life again.

Sharing Reiki with J helped align my energies more closely with source, and I felt so much more at peace than I had before J asked.

Later, as I lay in bed to fall asleep, many thoughts came to me of my mother, who's been enjoying the time she has, while living with a cancerous tumor. I began sending reiki to her, and in doing so noticed, in my inner vision, many sparkling lights, similar to the ones I labeled as dancing fairies.

I recalled that everything we experience in life is our interpretation of source energy, and a story came to mind of Esther Hicks asking to see the non-physical entity called Abraham. When she opened her eyes to view Abraham, what she saw was a room full of fireflies.

The sparkling lights in my vision, although my eyes were closed, reminded me of lots and lots of fireflies. Large and small they sparkled, on and off.

As I focused on them they intensified and multiplied. I began questioning what they were, and allowed them to blossom into anything more that they wished to become.

I began seeing figures, all female, and all dressed in a sort of 1940's fashion and wearing large-brimmed hats. They were all clustered together directly in front of me, and if I could see their faces, they were looking right at me. A few of them to my right were hidden by their hats. I wondered who they were… they all seemed like avid knitters… It makes sense that knitters would be attracted to me—the deadline I'm working on is to complete the hand-knitted sweaters for the book I'm writing, so knitting is a main focus in my reality these days.

They were all peaceful and happy, and looking RIGHT AT ME. Probably in a similar manner as I was looking at them—in awe and excitement that we could see each other and experience each other's presence in a more-than-feeling way.

I thought of my maternal grandmother, who knit, and wondered if she was amongst them. I glanced to my left, and there she was smiling back at me, clear as day. I felt comforted and reassured that my life is on path. I eventually fell to sleep, and had some inspiring dreams, of which the details, at the moment, escape me.

However, this morning, as I read through my daily e-mails, I came upon the Lightworker Magazine e-mail. It's always filled with something inspirational, and many times it's relevant to my life, and where I'm at that day.

Today's message is as follows:

"You are surrounded by loving angels, Masters and Beings of Light. When they wish you to feel their presence, they will sparkle in your vision and alert you to their existence. At times when you feel most alone, they yearn for you to feel their love, devotion and comfort, so are extra evident in their sparkling.

You need not be clairvoyant to see these sparkles, you need not be meditating or thinking of these beings to see the sparkles, you simply see them because they want to confirm that they are with you, supporting you.You are so very loved, so very sparkled upon! "

I'm humbled by the amazing-ness of this universe, and how magnificent reality can be at times.

~*♥*~ Shine brightly ~*♥*~

Allowing Reiki to flow

I'm slowly learning more about what I can do to increase the allowance of the Reiki that flows through me. Below are a few things that I've tried, with positive results.

Breath
The first thing I noticed, and experimented with, was my breath. While acting as a vessel through which others may receive Reiki I noticed that if I sync my breath with theirs, and allow my breathe to follow their natural rhythm I feel what seems like a more constant and steady flow of Reiki through me. I'm unaware of the effects the recipient feels when I do this, but on my end, it feels as though I'm more open and allowing of the energy as it flows through my body.

Over time, as I practiced with breath and learned what it feels like to allow Reiki to flow through me, I've become more sensitive to it, and I'm more aware of it's subtlety. Reiki seems to have a sort of consciousness to it—like it knows where to go, and what to do. All I am is the vessel through which the energy is brought from source to wherever it is needed—a channel. When my channel is clear, the energy flows freely, but when the channel is muddled, the energy feels spotty and inconsistent.

Clearing the channel
There are a number of things I can do to clear the muck out of my channel. The most-effective and immediate method is to meditate—to sit quietly and *be* with whatever arises in that moment. Even just a minute or two is extremely helpful.

Other methods of clearing the channel that I prefer to use are not always as immediate as mediation, but the long-term effects are worth the effort. They include, but are not limited to:
• a regular vinyasa yoga practice (75 minutes/3 times a week)
• eating lightly by consuming lots of raw fruits and veggies and by staying away from or eating rarely dairy, starchy carbs and meat
• taking walks in the forest, listening to the birds and feeling the air as it blows by my skin
• singing and dancing
• being in the moment and finding something to enjoy about whatever I'm experiencing

There are so many things that can help clear the channel. Follow your heart and you will be guided toward whatever is best for you.

With a clear channel I can feel the rate at which Reiki is being pulled through me. Depending on how much is needed by the recipient, Reiki can flow in a thick, powerful stream or lightly and conservatively. I'm not exactly sure how to describe how this feels.

I like to think of myself as a straw—as though there are energetic straw ends in the palm of each of my hands where the energy flows out. The other end of the straw is at the crown of my head, toward the back—where the energy flows in. When I lay my hand onto someone wishing to receive Reiki, it's as though I can feel something being pulled through my hand. The feeling is strongest in my hands, though when the channel is really clear, and/or the flow is strong, I can feel it coming in through my head, and occasionally the entire flow from the top of my head, through my body and out my hands.

Awareness of the Flow
The latest thing I've been experimenting with began with noticing that the flow can begin as strong and powerful and slowly it wanes into a light stream, and then no stream at all, or even a reflection of the energy as if there were a block in the way. When I first noticed this I realized that if I remove my hands before the flow gets to the point of no-stream, that the recipient had not been finished with receiving the Reiki, and may not have received the full amount they needed in order to do whatever it was needed for.

Upon experimenting with this on myself, I noticed that if I withdrew the Reiki prior to the no-steam point that the ailment I had been hoping to ease was still there to some degree. However, if I allowed the flow of Reiki to continue until it was finished then all the symptoms of the ailment were gone. This experiment fascinated me. I'm not done experimenting with it on myself yet, as I rarely have the patience to keep my hands on myself long enough in order to get to the no-stream point. But I'm fascinated with the results I have seen, and am eager to see more!

If you experiment with any of these on yourself or others, please feel free to share your experiences! I'd love to hear about them!

The Sparkles are back!

Lately I've been making a conscious decision to raise my vibrational levels. In the past, when they would raise on their own, I would often feel unprepared and have an aversion to the heightened awareness.

But the past week or so I've been consciously choosing to allow my vibrations to become higher, and in a way louder. Loud, yet soft and smooth. I'm using what I learned through Abraham (see my last post) about the law of attraction—how I'm the creator of my own reality. Manifesting is an art, and I'm the artist. Firstly, I'm manifesting the ability to raise my energy levels to align with source energy. That seems important.

Yoga classes have been happening often. I even did 2 back-to-back classes on Saturday. It was the first time I've done that. It was an amazing experience. The first class loosened me up quite a bit. The reiki flowed and surrounded me throughout the experiences. Between classes I got up and moved around a bit and it felt like I was floating. Energy was buzzing all around me and my chakras were bursting open. Then the second class concentrated a lot on heart opening poses, which got me deeper into a trance state. A great way to welcome in a new decade—for my 30th birthday.

Since Saturday, maintaining a heightened state of awareness has been more simple. All I need to do is close my eyes and breathe a few deep breaths.

Yesterday I got the desire to interact with beings from alternate dimensions, or time/space… some plane other than the one I'm in most of the time. So, I set that intention, aligned with source as well as I could, then let it go. My dreams last night were INTENSE. I can't recall much detail, but I was very conscious. It seemed very real. I could feel Reiki buzzing through my physical body, like I knew I was dreaming. Like I knew the consciousness that was experiencing the dream was outside my body, in some way. The reiki sparkled and felt so loving. What I can remember of the dream was witnessing an ET ship land, and meeting an ET named Yeula (pronounced "YOU-la". Yeula, who seemed to be male and human shaped, had a rectangle shaped head and pointy ears. He wore brightly colored clothes and had blue/grey skin. He stood in front of his ship and flew a circular object around like a Frisbee, though it would always come back to him, like a boomerang. I'm pretty sure we conversed in some way, but other than his name, I don't remember any of it.

I awoke feeling beyond peaceful, and the feeling has lasted throughout most of the day. The reiki that flowed through me during the dream seems to have stayed with me. My body becomes filled with a rush of loving tingles often. I had forgotten about this feeling. It's like the sparkles I spoke of in this post. There's so much love here for all of us up. "Close your eyes and feel it unfold"

JUST more yoga. That is all.

I often find myself caught in the desire to progress. Though… I'm learning to remember how to be where I am—how to move slowly and experience what is happening now, rather than trying to rush into the future.

Lately I've found myself yearning toward yoga teacher training. I've been fantasizing and desiring the act of going through the training process, and how my body, mind, spirit will feel during that process and after… I've been pushing myself to move quickly. I've been looking ahead to future yoga conferences and festivals.

But, J has helped me realize that as part of yoga training, I must learn to be where I am right now. And right now, I just need more yoga. More yoga in all ways. Just more yoga.

Of course, upon thinking "more yoga" my mind starts generating IDEAS about HOW to get more yoga into my life… Hey, I could be doing yoga right now, instead of writing this blog post (for example). But all I really need to do, is yoga. Thinking about how to do yoga in the future isn't doing anything about yoga.

This is a valuable lesson for me. Just more yoga. That is all.

The law of attraction & power of intention…

Last week I watched The Secret for the first time. I must admit that I've been avoiding it because of how mainstream it's been.
So, why did I watch it now, after resisting it for so long? Well, I was bored and it appeared in a list of spiritual growth movies on Netflix… so I watched it.

I wasn't surprised how simplified it felt. Watching it inspired me and helped me feel empowered. But I wanted more information.

I guess I must have manifested more information because I came across a video of Esther and Jerry Hicks and the non-physical entity Abraham, called "The Secret Behind The Secret". Ooh… how intriguing!

For YEARS I've been aware of Abraham, Esther and Jerry, and the idea of what they teach. I learned of their book "Ask and it is given" many years ago, though I've never read it. I was under the impression that I just *knew* what was in it. Because I thought I knew, I never investigated further into their teachings… until now.

It's funny how life brings us around in circles.

About 5 years ago I began listening to a podcast called "Flowdreaming", which discusses the law of attraction and includes instructional meditations for how to manifest our desires. From there I've been guided on an interesting journey, learning from teachers like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Ram Dass, Gil Fronsdal, Tara Brach… And now I'm back to where I began—at manifesting—learning from Esther, Jerry and Abraham.

It feels right to be back here. As I said in my last post, I need to feel good! Vibrationally, energetically, spiritually GOOD! The past few days, since watching "The Secret Behind The Secret" I've felt great. So, now without further delay. Here are the 3 parts to The secret behind the secret for you to watch too!

November 2, 2012 edit: Unfortunately the videos I had linked to originally have been removed from the internet. I cannot seem to find them again online.

The video is still available for purchase on DVD. I highly recommend it!

Feelin' Go'd

I really need to feel *good*. It's a matter of living. When the feelings inside me are not of a healing nature, my life is not being lived.

There has been nothing but sadness surrounding me lately. I'm ready to let that go. There has been resistance to releasing the sadness, and to displaying it outwardly toward others, but the only way to let it go is to release it. The only way out is through. I need to allow myself to be as I am and allow what is happening on a deeper, emotional level be what I am externally.

I've been investigating what needs to be done in order to allow myself to feel good. I need to be honest with myself about what I'm feeling. I can't hide behind sense pleasures in order to deny and avoid the feelings.

My chakras are out of balance—only slightly, but I've become so sensitive to when they're imbalanced that it's so noticeable. My second is over active and my sixth is underactive. They are two chakras that balance each other, so it makes sense to me that they are this way.

There was a time, not too long ago when I could feel each chakra balanced. I felt light, peaceful, confident… Lately I've been feeling only sadness, frustration, denial, tired, and I've been eating very unhealthy foods.

I'm ready for a shift. I NEED things to shift. I'm sending out the intentions allowing a shift to happen. I'm allowing myself to feel good, to feel balanced again. I give myself permission to do the things I know will help balance my chakras. Ready… go.

surrendering to what is

Yesterday I spent the majority of my day beside my mother in the hospital. It was nice spending time with her. She was alert, chatty and mostly upbeat. I remained calm, peaceful and as centered as possible to help her do the same. I occasionally shared Reiki with her, laying my hands on her feet or holding her hand—I massaged and moisturized her feet. Overall, it was a pleasant day. Upon leaving the hospital I noticed my body was heavy and my emotions began to rise to just below the surface… I was still feeling quiet and still, but physically heavy and drained.

Once settled at home, a simple hug from J began the release of the days repressed emotions, but it just scratched the surface, I knew something needed to be done to let the rest come out. I ate some pineapple, then got onto the yoga mat. J took out his guitar and his soul began speaking to mine through song as I twisted, stretched and moved my body.


I concentrated on hip opening poses, as they've proven to be the most effective for releasing my emotions. I deeply bent the front leg in the warrior poses while pulling my feet toward each other, engaging both my legs thoroughly. I really pushed myself. I wanted to feel it burn. I've experienced many emotional breakdowns while in half pigeon, and last nights experience was no different. The songs J was playing spoke to me so deeply and so emotionally that it really helped me dig into whatever I needed to release. A lot of fearful thoughts came and went… just passing through. I'd breathe deeper and louder and relax into each pose… I let it feel good.

"Good"… hehe. The inner masochist stretched me deeper and deeper… I wanted to feel something—the more I felt the better I felt. I'd lengthen on the inhale and stretch on the exhale, deeper and deeper into each pose. I felt more flexible than I have in a long time. My body lacked resistance, it just let itself stretch, bend and twist. My muscles weakened and shook, but that's exactly what I need to release.

I felt beautiful afterwards. Emotions still continued to trickle out, but I was at peace with what was.

Each time I have an experience like this, I'm reminds that life doesn't need to be so hard—that it's always possible to take a step back and experience it a little differently.

The light

I keep noticing this trend where I get myself into a light state of being, enjoy it briefly, then sabotage it in some way. Generally this happens subconsciously, but lately I've been becoming more aware of the process as it happens… though not yet aware enough to be stronger than it.

Today, for example, I had a bunch of bananas in a few smoothies, and drank more water than I usually do. I got myself to a yoga class, which I left feeling open, refreshed and clear-headed. I enjoyed the drive home, I was so in the moment that everything seemed perfect.

I get home, and what do I do? I make myself some mac & cheese & eat way too much of it. Now my body feels sluggish and dense—the clarity and stillness that I briefly experienced has waned.

I ask the universe to provide me with the strength and awareness to clearly see this process as it unfolds and to act in ways that provide me with a comfortable and healthy result.