For this subject, one fears non-existance while the other feels liberated by unification. Essentially, they are the same thing. The fearful or liberated feeling comes entirely from how we look at it, and on what aspect we focus.
Non-existance focuses on the lack of physical being-ness—the lack of a body, the lack of a personality, and the lack of the senses and the pleasures they seek. That is a scary concept. Throughout our entire incarnation in this body, these are the things we have known. To be without them is frightening if we don't trust, or know that there is something beyond them.
When we have the perspective of unification, then the focus is on the feeling of one-ness with everything, complete expansiveness and never-ending love. This is something beyond comprehension to one limited to the sense-pleasures of the physical body.
How do we get to the perspective of unification if we can't see beyond their fears into what lays beyond them? Firstly, we need to want it—really, REALLY want it.
It may come from being so frustrated and angry with the limitations of the physical world that we give up our grasp on it… let it go… realize it doesn't work and drop it. Identifying with the physical—with the body, with the personality, with our jobs or social position, with the sensual pleasures that come and go—provides only fleeting satisfaction with life. When we identify with these things, and they go away, or do not respond to us in the way we want them to, we become frustrated, sad, angry or depressed. It's human to respond in these ways. We have all done it. When these feelings get so intense, and so overwhelming, what's left except letting them go?
It seems ironic that this "dark night of the soul" can be a catalyst into the expansive nature of unification. But, that's how I got there. During one winter, thousands of miles away from my family, while my mom battled cancer, I fought against what I thought life should be, and what I was being handed in each moment. I resisted and hated it. I wanted nothing else but for it to go away, and be over-with. There were nights I could do nothing but argue, and scream and cry.
That night was just the beginning, but it's such a clear memory for me as the cracking point. It was the night that who I thought I was shattered for the first time, and I was introduced to who I am beyond the illusion of body, personality and my senses. I AM.
It's beyond description. If it's not something you've experienced for your self, it's not something that can be understood through the mind's interpretation of words. As an attempt to explain: this light—this nothingness—felt blissful, pure, totally expanded, unified with everything, eternal, timeless, loving, kind, allowing, and accepting of everything, without boundaries, completely still—all at once.
From that point on, with the help of some close friends and teachers, my life has been dedicated to removing the layers remaining of the outer shell, and allowing the light to shine, uninhibited.
I'm still on that path, and it will continue be a life-long journey. My awareness of the light within ebbs and flows—like all things in life—but allowing it to shine is my highest purpose in life. That light must shine, and whatever is in it's way needs to be looked at and dissolved. At this moment in my life, nothing is more important to me than that.
This was the experience that allowed me to begin trusting that there is something beyond my body, personality and the sense pleasures. There may be other ways of touching that light for the first time, but this was my way. I've heard that near-death experiences can do this same sort of thing, or extended periods of fasting and/or meditation.
Wanting something doesn't always mean that that thing will come easy. I had to go through the suffering, pain and anguish to get to the other side… the INside. I wanted it. I have always wanted it—sometimes without knowing exactly what "it" was—IT is the connection to the divine that is innate within each one of us. When we want something strongly enough, the universe conspires to align the circumstances of it's happening. It's our job to walk that path, and be open to receiving it.
Above I've shared the first time I experienced the cracking egg, but it hasn't been the only time. There are times when the layers of the shell build up and I disconnect from feeling that light to the extent that I go through this process all over again. Each time I have a little bit of a better knowing of what I'm going through, so it's easier to allow the process to unfold naturally. It's not an easy thing to do—to let go and allow who you've known yourself to be to disappear. However, each time the faith is stronger that what is beyond is so much more beautiful and powerful than anything my mind could ever imagine.
The Whatever Prayer:
Whatever I have to see,
Whatever I have to feel,
Whatever I have to remember,
Whatever I have to go through,
If it is for my healing,
And in the highest good of all Beings,
Whatever I have to feel,
Whatever I have to remember,
Whatever I have to go through,
If it is for my healing,
And in the highest good of all Beings,
I agree to it.
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