It's been awhile, old friend. I have some things to say.
Change is big right now. I've quit my steady job of 5.5 years. The security and safety net of having a consistent weekly paycheck will soon be a thing of the past. It's been something I've been being pulled toward doing for quite some time—years, I'd say. But until now, the time was never right.
What's different now? What makes this the right time?
Mostly, I just can't do it anymore. I can't live by the structure and regulations put on me by society. I need to feel the freedom to be able to live by what feels right in that moment. I have skills, and I can use them to keep food in my belly and pay the bills. I know the ability is there to keep me surviving.
But this is more than just that. Survival is something for the body. Thriving is for the spirit. To thrive I must be free—without restraints to any time, or place, or ideal. Not one that someone else puts upon me, nor one I put upon myself.
I'm being reinforced by the universe. There have been signs… left and right, more and more often that this is the right choice. It's the appropriate response to my life at this time. How can one ignore them? They're so clear and precise. That's just what I asked for. If I can't see, I won't know… so I've asked to see, and so I can. Clear as a bright sunny day.
But there too, is fear.
It creeps its way in sometimes. Change has always brought fear for me. But I feel strong enough, and I've dealt with change so much lately that I trust that everything will be okay. It always is. I know what works for me. There's always a solution—an appropriate response to every situation. All fear does is make that response harder to see. I can see, and I'm strong, and there's nothing in this world that I want to be attached to.
None of it is worth the suffering that comes through identifying with it. It's all empty.
What is happening right now is really all there is. There are future "now's" that I'll work with when the time is right, but being here, now is all I can do.
I've surprised myself lately, and feel different. Solitude can do that. I've grown and detached. Everything I have, I can find within. There is nothing you have that I want, or need—energetically. Anything I supposedly *seek* is all within…
Your attachment to me, well that's your thing. I need not be resistant to it, nor encourage it. Be as you will, and allow me the same. What's there to fear?
The below text was written after an overwhelming heart-opening experience. I was sitting at my desk when all of a sudden I began feeling really overwhelmed with emotion and a growing feeling in my chest that actually arched my back as if something burst out of my heart. Then I got the strong urge to type.