surrendering to what is

Yesterday I spent the majority of my day beside my mother in the hospital. It was nice spending time with her. She was alert, chatty and mostly upbeat. I remained calm, peaceful and as centered as possible to help her do the same. I occasionally shared Reiki with her, laying my hands on her feet or holding her hand—I massaged and moisturized her feet. Overall, it was a pleasant day. Upon leaving the hospital I noticed my body was heavy and my emotions began to rise to just below the surface… I was still feeling quiet and still, but physically heavy and drained.

Once settled at home, a simple hug from J began the release of the days repressed emotions, but it just scratched the surface, I knew something needed to be done to let the rest come out. I ate some pineapple, then got onto the yoga mat. J took out his guitar and his soul began speaking to mine through song as I twisted, stretched and moved my body.

I concentrated on hip opening poses, as they've proven to be the most effective for releasing my emotions. I deeply bent the front leg in the warrior poses while pulling my feet toward each other, engaging both my legs thoroughly. I really pushed myself. I wanted to feel it burn. I've experienced many emotional breakdowns while in half pigeon, and last nights experience was no different. The songs J was playing spoke to me so deeply and so emotionally that it really helped me dig into whatever I needed to release. A lot of fearful thoughts came and went… just passing through. I'd breathe deeper and louder and relax into each pose… I let it feel good.

"Good"… hehe. The inner masochist stretched me deeper and deeper… I wanted to feel something—the more I felt the better I felt. I'd lengthen on the inhale and stretch on the exhale, deeper and deeper into each pose. I felt more flexible than I have in a long time. My body lacked resistance, it just let itself stretch, bend and twist. My muscles weakened and shook, but that's exactly what I need to release.

I felt beautiful afterwards. Emotions still continued to trickle out, but I was at peace with what was.

Each time I have an experience like this, I'm reminds that life doesn't need to be so hard—that it's always possible to take a step back and experience it a little differently.

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