The light

I keep noticing this trend where I get myself into a light state of being, enjoy it briefly, then sabotage it in some way. Generally this happens subconsciously, but lately I've been becoming more aware of the process as it happens… though not yet aware enough to be stronger than it.

Today, for example, I had a bunch of bananas in a few smoothies, and drank more water than I usually do. I got myself to a yoga class, which I left feeling open, refreshed and clear-headed. I enjoyed the drive home, I was so in the moment that everything seemed perfect.

I get home, and what do I do? I make myself some mac & cheese & eat way too much of it. Now my body feels sluggish and dense—the clarity and stillness that I briefly experienced has waned.

I ask the universe to provide me with the strength and awareness to clearly see this process as it unfolds and to act in ways that provide me with a comfortable and healthy result.


Splintered Tree said...

This happens to me too. I wonder why I feel so drawn to self-sabotage my own progress. It almost seems compulsive.

sAM said...

Exactly, It's like the light state of being is unfamiliar, so I do something to bring myself back into a more familiar state, though not necessarily a pleasant one… just one I *know*.

The way I see it, the more often I experience the light, the less uncomfortable I'll be while in it, and it'll become less likely that I'll unconsciously sabotage it. That's the theory anyway.

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