Letting go

THE LIFESTYLE:
I've realized that in the long term… (I guess 2 weeks seems long term) keeping track of daily goals just doesn't work for me. I get antsy, resistant and irritated with myself whenever I don't meet one of them, and that sends me into a downward spiral until none of the goals are met and I'm just not caring about any of it anymore—enter self-destructive eating habits!

This lead me toward letting go of my daily goals, and concentrating more on the long term goal of being the healthiest I can be, in my entirety. There are always hills and valleys on the road toward any long-term goal, so when concentrating on each day, I would get stuck in the valleys, dwelling there, unable to move up toward the peak.

I'm letting it all go, and just allowing myself to be as I am—to listen to my body, respect it in each moment and to be okay with whatever choices I decide to make.

THE SPIRIT
I have a private reiki session scheduled for tonight with Starr. I'm eager to experience the reiki energy as it comes through her before the attunement (which will be happening soon!)

I feel like the reiki attunement is happening at the perfect time. It's the time of year that I've always felt closest to the spirit world, and this year the spirit world is really strongly directing me toward reiki… I'm sorry if that's all I seem to be able to talk about lately—but it's something really exciting to me. I'm trying not to have many expectations for what I'll be able to do after the attunement… as it's relatively uncharted territory for me, and everything I've read is only words, and descriptions, and completely unfathomable to me. I've almost been feeling like I can already heal with energy through my hands, and that since I've become more interested in Reiki, that I've been more consciously aware of this ability… but I'm also not sure if it's just in my head, or if it's actually doing anything… I guess if I believe it's doing something than it is, but I'm glad to have the opportunity to go to the attunement class in order to understand it better, be more efficient and protected while practicing.

Something Starr said last week at my reiki session has had me wondering—she was talking with me about the spiritual benefits of learning reiki, and she popped out something about past lives... just casually mentioning it. At the time I didn't think much of it, but as I was reading through her website, I've learned that she's a medium, and knows a lot more than she may say. So, I'm wondering just how casual the mentioning of past lives is… since it's the only thing she mentioned, and there are MANY other benefits of opening up to the spirit world in addition to that. Like, might she know something about a past life instance that may be leading me into reiki… I dunno if she does or not, but I feel like there is.

I really hate the term past life, because I see it more as just another life that has a similar energetic pattern to mine, that I can identify with… and that time really has nothing to do with it, since time doesn't exist on the spiritual plane and since we're all one, and we've all experienced everything… and what-not. Similar to yoga, I've always felt drawn toward being able to heal with my hands. When I was little I pretended that I could. Until I really started looking into Reiki and understanding that it's actually possible, I never imagined really being able to do it… that it was all make-believe. Ever since James & I have been together, I've tried using touch to help heal his stomach upsets… and it seemed to help. It excites me to think of being able to help things heal themselves in this way—plants, animals, people, everything.

One of the things I absolutely love about reiki is that it can NEVER do any harm. Reiki energy is always pure, unconditional loving energy, and a healer doesn't receive any backwash from the people they work with, nor does the "patient" ever receive any energy directly from the healer. The healer is just used as a conduit through which the energy flows. It heals the healer, then heals the patient—so to speak. So for that reason, Reiki itself feels entirely safe. However, I understand that opening myself up to different energy levels also leaves me open to more psychic attack by beings who reside on other planes, and I'll need to become more adept at psychic protection.

Lately I've been imagining myself stepping into a bag of brilliant white light, pulling it up over myself and tying it at the top, from the inside. I may need to knit something like this... hmmm...